So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.