So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.