I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'