I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.