Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.