Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'