One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.