One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.