One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.