Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.