Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.

As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.