So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.