So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.