My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'