I love to play strippers and to imitate them. I love using that idea for comedy, but the idea of actually going there? I feel like we all need to be better than that. That industry needs to die, by all of us being a little bit better than that.

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show... called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.

I hire people that are good, and aren't crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

I don't really have a nemesis, but I have a series of hundreds of small enemies that fuel me. Everyone I meet I assume is out to get me and that fuels my fire on a daily basis.

I had a gentleman in college tell me, during a date, that I could be really pretty if I lost some weight. On a date!

An acting teacher once told me, 'Greet everything with yes... Even if you abandon one idea for another one, saying yes allows you to move forward.'