A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy CooperSo a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
Tommy CooperHe said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books".
Tommy Cooper