I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'