Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.