A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."

My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.