I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.