Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.