My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.