A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.