A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.