A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

So a man jumps into a taxi and says "King Arthur's close" and the taxi driver says, "don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights".

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"