Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books".

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.