I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain.

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.