Leave it up to hipster nerds to pretend to hate something that they actually want

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

In training, there is no winning or losing. There is only learning.

I never felt pressured to create more stories, but dealing with people became really aggravating.

You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.