Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore.

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.

As a general rule, whenever guys have problems approaching girls, it's because they're afraid of rejection or they're afraid of something specific. The way that you get over a fear like that is you figure out what the worst is that can happen.

Communication is not what we say, but what you hear (which is a lesson I wish our educational system understood)

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.