I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.

One big lesson I learned from movie [making] was I don't do creative projects that I headline unless I have all the control. I can't deal with having to live with other people's screw ups, and that's just sort of the way the movie business works. The people with the money are in charge. Until I'm in charge, I don't want to play that game.

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.

Unless you plan on making academia your life, all you need to know about postmodernism is that its premises are fundamentally wrong.

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.