If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.

I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.

Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.

Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

The dumbest women I hooked up with were in Florida. I lived in Florida for a year... and it was just shocking. I literally felt like after living there for a couple months that I had become stupider. It was unbelievable. If you read the stories on my site that are based around crazy women, about 75 percent of those women were in Florida… and I only lived there for a year.

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.