Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me" Tucker: "I don't understand the question.

The vast majority of all consequences, especially in 21st century America, are completely meaningless bullshit.

I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.

The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.

Before you're famous it's stuff that seems like it'd be really cool, but once you get it, you realize it's not bad, but it's kind of hollow and meaningless.

Things always work out for me because I do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences.

Due to the potent combination of my sexual recklessness and the slutty nature of some of the girls I have slept with, I have accumulated enough stories and anecdotes about abortion that they could name a Planned Parenthood clinic after me.