To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, "Whoa, this is amazing!" At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.

Probably the best explanation for my success and other Internet writers, is that we're tapping a genre or a niche out there that needs to be filled and isn't.

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.

If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.

It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way.

I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.