I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.

That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.

I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.

If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.

Fat girls aren’t real people.