I'm not some movie star relying on a studio. I have my own fans and I earned them.

I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

Frankly, I'd rather make a little bit less money if it means living in a better world for books and publishing in the future.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

Probably the best explanation for my success and other Internet writers, is that we're tapping a genre or a niche out there that needs to be filled and isn't.

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.