Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.

Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.

I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.

People have proven over and over that they will read if they are given something they like. The problem with reading is not reading, its that almost everything out there sucks. For so long, publishing has been run by a cartel of snobby pseudo-intellectual failed writers, and the resulting output has reflected not what the market wants, but what they think people are supposed to read.

Due to the potent combination of my sexual recklessness and the slutty nature of some of the girls I have slept with, I have accumulated enough stories and anecdotes about abortion that they could name a Planned Parenthood clinic after me.

I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.

Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.