I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.

Ladies, you may not realize this, understand this, or even believe this, but everything else we do is ultimately for you. Men don't do anything-create art, build businesses, donate to charity, invent things, or do anything noteworthy-for any reason other than to impress women, and thus get them to have sex with us. If women didn't exist, we'd still just be naked grunting apes living in caves. In a very real way, pussy is the key to human civilization. You don't have to like it, but it's a fact; if you understand it, you understand men.

Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.

I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.