I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.

Failure instructs, failure improves. Failure shouldn't deter you.

What people who don't create don't understand, is that once you take money from the machine, the machine [movie industry] owns you.

You can't do anything yourself on TV... unless you have a LOT of money, but you can do an independent movie.

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.