But here's the thing about being honest: All the liars HATE you for it, and most of the people in the world are liars. They lie to their bosses, they lie to their families, they lie to themselves, they lie so much they don't even know they're lying anymore. If you have the courage to be honest even a little bit all those people will hate you for it, because their lie is reflected in your honesty. Oscar Wilde wasn't kidding when he said, "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."

Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.

You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.

The meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.

I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.

Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, "Whoa, this is amazing!" At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.