You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.

You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.

I never felt pressured to create more stories, but dealing with people became really aggravating.

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

My buddies and I, we all went to law school together, and once we started working in different cities, we all did crazy stuff, and we'd write e-mails to each other about the stuff we would do. And my friends thought my e-mails were really funny and they said, "Dude, why don't you put this up on a Web site. You know people would love to read this."

No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.