The dumbest women I hooked up with were in Florida. I lived in Florida for a year... and it was just shocking. I literally felt like after living there for a couple months that I had become stupider. It was unbelievable. If you read the stories on my site that are based around crazy women, about 75 percent of those women were in Florida… and I only lived there for a year.

Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.

I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.