If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.

General reader feedback is usually pretty worthless. 99% of people give feedback that is irrelevant, stupid, or just flat out wrong. But that 1% of people who give good feedback are invaluable.

Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.

Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, "Whoa, this is amazing!" At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.

That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.