Communication is not what we say, but what you hear (which is a lesson I wish our educational system understood)

People have proven over and over that they will read if they are given something they like. The problem with reading is not reading, its that almost everything out there sucks. For so long, publishing has been run by a cartel of snobby pseudo-intellectual failed writers, and the resulting output has reflected not what the market wants, but what they think people are supposed to read.

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way.

I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a “professor

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.