To get hwat you want out of life, all you really need to do is be honest about it, don't be afraid to go for it, and have fun while you do it -- and you'll eventually get it.

The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them

Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.

Communication is not what we say, but what you hear (which is a lesson I wish our educational system understood)

Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.

A lot of people think that since I'm drunk in my stories, I must be drunk 24 hours a day. What kind of stupid logic is that? It'd be like if you saw Michael Jordan at a restaurant and were like, "Why aren't you in your basketball uniform?" I leave out way more than I put in.

Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.