In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.