In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?