What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.