What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye... and that's my reward... the rest goes to the government.

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.