If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.
The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.
(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?
In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.
Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.