I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.