I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

...the elephant smoked too much.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?