If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)