In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.

I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.

Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party...If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison].

If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.

In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.