If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions.

If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.