If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.

If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.

If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.