I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.

Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party...If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison].

Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.

My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.

Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers

Well, I think there's not much of a chance for me finding somebody of my age. Gentlemen of my age are dropping down 30 years to find girlfriends.

If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.