I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.

Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.

My mother, she didn't believe in praise. She'd never say anything was great. I think that's quite Northern, to not make people feel too good. I didn't mind if she was proud of me or not, it didn't bother me. I was never trying to please her.

If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.

In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.

Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers