My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.

People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them.

You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.

My mother, she didn't believe in praise. She'd never say anything was great. I think that's quite Northern, to not make people feel too good. I didn't mind if she was proud of me or not, it didn't bother me. I was never trying to please her.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.