A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
You can't cheat an honest man.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia