I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.