Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.