Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.