Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.

No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.