Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.

The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.